You can't see your next if you`re too busy looking at your Ex. #RealTalk

Who do atheists thank for Friday?

Its finally Friday! Felt like it took a week to get here!!

Finally happened...knew it was coming....my beeper broke. Anyone know where to get a good deal on a new one?

When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb

NEVER JUDGE A WOMAN BY HER MAKEUP! #Facts

An “open relationship” is when both people are cheating on each other and want everyone else to know. #Facts

With how much girls talk about our emotions, you’d think we’d be able to handle them better.

Dentist: Do you remember the last time you flossed? Me: It should say on your sheet right over there.

Remember: Life isn't about having amazing experiences, it's about making mediocre experiences look awesome on Fubar!

When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb

How to freak someone out. 1. Find someone on fubar with the same name as you. 2. Steal their profile picture. 3. Poke them.

Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.

FYI. If your back starts to itch really bad and you are standing at the urinal, never, ever ask the guy standing next to you to scratch your back. #Awkward

I got kicked out the pool today, apparently the breaststroke isn't what I thought it was

Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.

EXERCISE CAN ADD MOR YEARS TO YOUR LIFE, I JUST RAN A MILE AND I FEEL LIKE IM 82 ALREADY!

Today I watched a bee land on my arm. I let it sting me while I just stared at it and said, "Is it in yet?" just to make it feel insecure.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

If you are running away from your problems, you might as well chase after your dreams.