my emotions are running wild
i cry
i scream
i just don't know which way is up
i feel like no one cares anymore
and i just give up
i thought it was real
i thought that no matter what i had as long as i had it then nothing else mattered
but no
love is a game and noting more
a chance,a risk that everyone takes
you either get hurt or you don't
if you don't get hurt then you are lucky
if you do get hurt then i know your pain
getting your heart broken hurts
it is one of tte worst things ever to happen to a person
you think you wont ever get over the pain that you feel
but you do
it just takes awhile
it takes good fiends and good family
to get over the pain you are going through
but in the end when your heart is not as broken as it once was you will start to see and understand that "love" is just a game that people play
and yes you did get hurt
but you will move on with your life
you will not dwell in the past
for if you do you will never move on
you will never be able to ay
"yes i had my heart broken but i am a strong person and i got over it"
so go on with your life for you never know if that heartbreak you felt wa really "heartbreak" or just a mistake you made in life
i gave up on love when he gave up on me
i tried so hard not to hate him but he hurt me so much
i said i would never forgive him for what he put me through
but i am not mad any more
i am done crying
i am done letting the past run my life
no more will i fall for the lies
no more will i cry myself to sleep at night
no more will i fall for what men say
i know that one day i will find "love" again
but till then i will not play this stupid little game "of love"
i will NOT get hurt
i will NOT open my heart up till i know that it will not get hurt again
i will go on with my life
i will forgive him
and in forgiving him i will also protect my heart from others that want in
i sit here and cry as i write this down
i miss him so very much
i want him here to love
i need to hold him in my arms
and kiss him
i need to be able to know that he is fine
but i can't
he is to far away
i can't see him
i can't hold him
i can't kiss him like i want
just three more months they all say
three more months
but no no its not just three more months
it's six
three months till his leave
but six more until he comes home to me
for good
it seems to long that i must wait
but i been waiting for almost ten months already
too long
too long to be without him
to long to be missing him
to long for us to not be together
but.....
i am strong
i have to do this
i must wipe up my tears
i must not cry no more
he wouldn't want that
i know he wouldn't
and i am to be an military wife
they are the strongest of all women
so i will not cry
i will not cry
i will be strong
i must
i have to
silence is everywhere
not a soul to be found
no light must enter in
no happy noises must ever be heard
how did i get here to this time and place
where did i go wrong
or is just my fate
i wanted to be happy
but today is not a good day
i don't know where it went wrong
i don't know what i did
how can someone be so sad over nothing
oh wait oh wait
it's not nothing
he is not here
he is gone away from me
its been way to long
almost a year
too long for me to be without him
yet he is not here
he is off serving our country
he is fighting in the war
i try to keep a positive outlook
i know he will be alright
yet i am missing him so very much
i miss his touch
the way he would hold me close
i miss the small things
so i sit here in silence
waiting for his return
knowing that i have awhile to wait
till the happy sounds return
i am not who i appear to be
i am not
but does it matter who i am on the inside
does it matter that i cry at night missing him
does it mater that i feel alone all the time
does it matter that no matter how many people there are around me i still feel
alone
like i am sinking into a dark hole
there seems to be no light that enters inside
but why should that matter
i am alone
even if people say they care
they don't
they don't truly understand
they don't know me
and how could they
cause i don't even know myself at times
you don't know me yet you act as you do
you think your all that
you think i want you
well then you don't really know me do you?
i don't want you
i got what i want
i am a the property of an American Soldier
and i am soon to be married
he is my life where you are not
i am not yours so don't act like i am
i don't want to be mean
really i don't
but don't tell me you love me
don't act like its my fault
i never did nothing to make you fall for me
i only sat and listened as you talked
i am not yours
i will never be
just go away
i don't want to be mean
please just oh please go away
i try to be nice
i try to not yell
i try to be a good friend
i try to help everyone out if i can
i have a kind heart
i am a good person
or so i have been told
yet there are times when i want to say fuck it all
i don't want to be nice
i am tried of getting shoved around
i want to just be mean to everyone i come across
i don't want to be so nice
i tend to get hurt
i don't like to get hurt
i am just tired of being the nice girl
that everyone takes for granted
i have my own needs
i have my own fears
i don't know what to do all the time
but it doesn't matter
i can't change who i am
i am the listener
the one who helps everyone
even i can't help myself sometimes
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